


Cold Sweat

by Theluminousfisheffect



Category: Tomb Raider & Related Fandoms, Tomb Raider (Video Games)
Genre: Brief mention of attempted past sexual assault, Death, F/F, Graphic Description of Corpses, Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Harm, Suicide, Violence, graphic description of suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-04
Updated: 2018-09-04
Packaged: 2019-07-06 21:36:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15894594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Theluminousfisheffect/pseuds/Theluminousfisheffect
Summary: Leaving the past in the past is a more difficult task than it sounds and it’s something that Lara Croft knows all about. And it’s only more difficult when it comes bulldozing into your subconscious in the middle of the night and forces you to relive everything you’ve been trying to escape.





	Cold Sweat

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so before we get started, the tags say pretty much everything but Lara has a pretty messed up nightmare with lots of death and blood and depictions of violence so if that is not you’re thing, please don’t read this. Also if panic attacks are not your thing, don’t read it either. With that said, if you’ve played the 2013 Tomb Raider game, you know what the violence is going to be like so judge for yourself.
> 
> Also, I didn’t tag this as character death or major character death because it’s a nightmare so no one is really dead, besides the characters that are already dead by the end of the 2013 game. Just a heads up.  
> With all that out of the way, thanks for reading. Thank you as well to jawnlma for being a beta and giving me a better title than the working one. 
> 
> So I hope you all enjoy (?) it. That sounds weird with this kind of story but you know what I mean.

_Lara was on a mountainside so steep that her ascent was vertical. The remains of the giant wooden pagoda that had once dominated the side of the mountain had been reduced to pieces that stuck out like arms of rotting flesh over time by the lightning and the wind. Bits fell away all around, crashing down the mountain towards her and there was nothing she could do except hug herself close to the mountain face and hope that none of them took her with it._

_She pulled her climbing axe out of the ice that was caked over the dark rock like icing on a chocolate cake and swung it hard, finding purchase above her head. Gripping on for dear life, she struggled up another step in the flurry of snow that had engulfed her._

_An impossible storm brewed above her; lightning crackled and struck the mountain viciously, burning its mark into the rock and snow fell in torrents from sinister black clouds. And through it all, Lara could still see the metallic blue light at the top and knew she had to get to it.  
Her fingers were numbing, locking into place around the axe’s handle but she couldn’t stop to flex them; it was too dangerous to stop climbing. Lightning struck again, uncomfortably close to Lara and she flinched._

_Shit._

_She began to climb faster, pulling herself up the mountain. She had to get to the top. She had to._

_The ice beneath her axe cracked and gave way as another bolt of lightning flashed above her. Her stomach plummeted into her feet as she fell and adrenaline surged through her veins as her fight or flight instincts kicked into top gear. Her hand shot out, digging the sharp edge of the pick into the rock. Her shoulder wrenched painfully as she caught her own weight and Lara cried out, only just managing to keep her grip on the axe. She turned quickly to get her feet and her other hand back on the rock face. She couldn’t fall now._

_Lara was breathing heavily as she ascended but she didn’t notice. She couldn’t hear it above the vortex of wind roaring over her and the cracks of lightning like whips lashing against the rock. It was deafeningly loud but absurdly, she could hear screaming above it and her blood ran cold._

_She climbed faster and finally,_ finally _made it to the top, throwing herself onto the platform of rock. Lara was engulfed in the eerie blue light and was blind. She couldn’t see anything against the sharp metallic glare but she could feel it around her, crackling and popping like live electric wires. It felt…alive, like the light itself was an entity in some unearthly form._

_She threw her arm up to shield her eyes, giving herself a chance to adjust to the harsh brightness. Her lungs burned as she struggled to breathe in the brunt of the wind and her hair whipped against her skin, stinging her face and shoulders. The ripped tank top she wore offered little in the way of protection and Lara felt every grain, every splinter, every rock caught up in the mad torrent tearing across her exposed skin. Her clothes were wet with the melting snowflakes that accosted her and the cold sank beneath her skin, seeping into her bones._

_A scream rang out from in front of her, crystal clear over the roar of the hurricane winds rushing past her ears._

_“Lara!”_

_“Sam!” Lara yelled back, squinting against the light and the sheer force of the wind as she tried to find her. She was close; Sam’s voice was just in front of her but she still couldn’t see anything. Her eyes strained to make out forms in the distance but Lara couldn’t be sure if she could trust what little she was beginning to make out or if it was only her imagination twisting itself in knots to give her what she wanted to see. She fought her way forward, pushing hard against the wind and another cry echoed out, filled with desperation._

_“Lara!”_

_“Sam!”_

_Where is she? She has to be close. You have to get to her. Hurry up!_

_Lara took another few lumbering steps forward, anchoring her feet as best she could on the plateau. She kept crouched, lowering her centre of weight to keep her balance as the wind battered her. Out of the blinding mist of illumination, she swore she could make out the silhouette of a person reaching out towards her._

__

__

_Right size. Has to be._

_"Sam!" Lara cried again, launching herself towards the shadow. She ran towards it, fighting for every inch against the torrent of wind and snow that tried to drag her backwards. Her heart was pounding against her ribcage like a wild animal thrashing to escape its calciferous cage. She could taste the bitterness of fear in a hot acidic lump at the back of her throat._

_Lara had never felt so bloody terrified in all her life. Not when she had almost drowned in the storm that brought them to this hell, not when she had first woken up to find Sam missing, not when she had found out that her father wouldn’t ever be coming home again outside of a wooden box or when temples had collapsed around her or when she had woken up, suspended by her wrists from the ceiling in a room full of dismembered bodies or when Vladimir had been pressed up against her, breathing heavily in her ear while her hands had been bound in front of her, useless. She could feel the terror in her veins like a black mist; dense and heavy as it clouded up her bloodstream. Not an altogether unfamiliar feeling to her now but with a meaner edge to it. Something was colder about this. Something was wrong._

_But the same urge to survive that had forced her this far kept her moving forward, putting one foot in front of the other. The adrenaline sang through her body, forcing her limbs to keep moving, keep going, keep going, don’t stop. Lara couldn’t stop, not even for a second. Stopping meant they were all dead._

_"Lara!" Sam's voice was full of relief as her friend broke through the border of light separating them and Lara felt it flood through her system like morphine, diluting the fear in her veins. She always felt braver around Sam, even when she was still terrified._

_But as Lara surveyed the scene around her, the hope was sucked right back out of her. Fear doubled down its hold on her, clutching to her chest in icy tendrils that constricted her lungs. The ice spread along her spine to the tips of her fingers and down into the soles of her feet like arctic sea water lapping over her. A tsunami of nausea crashed over her and Lara was frozen to the spot, sickened to her stomach as she looked on in horror._

_Sam smiled at her warmly and Lara could feel the colour draining from her face. Sam looked hurt at the lack of response and stepped towards her, arms outstretched, attempting to garner some grander reaction out of her. Lara stayed where she was, feeling as though she had been cemented to the ground._

_"You were late," Sam told her._

_"I - Sam," Lara's mouth was too dry to speak. She felt as if she had swallowed desert sand. If she concentrated, she could almost feel it in her throat, choking her. Or maybe it was the frost creeping up from her chest that was squeezing her throat shut. She couldn’t tell._

_She couldn’t breathe._

_"I started without you," Sam continued, glancing over her shoulder at the pile of bodies she had been perched upon. Lara knew it hadn't been there when she had seen Sam's silhouette; she had been standing and hers was the only shadow - Lara would have seen this sadistic mockery of a throne in the outline and it was impossible but it was there and it looked very real and it still made her stomach lurch and she was still very close to being sick._

_The bodies of everyone on the Endurance lay in a grotesque pile, arms and legs and necks twisted in unnatural angles. They were all there; Jonah, Reyes, Alex, Grim, Roth. Even Lara's parents could be seen clearly which made no sense; they shouldn't be here. What were they doing here? They shouldn't be here!_

_"You killed them," continued Sam calmly, taking another step towards Lara, who was trying to fend off a panic attack. Her hands trembled and she clenched them into fists and held Sam's eyes desperately, waiting for something to make sense, pleading with it to. She was frozen solid, as cold as the snow that fell around them and her skin was slick with sweat and water. Lara could feel it, feel the heat pooling in her cheeks and the back of her neck and across her shoulders. She was too warm and too cold all at once and nothing made any sense anymore and that was the absolute least of her problems right now._

_"You weren't quick enough and you killed them all."_

_Lara's resolve wavered and she allowed herself a quick stolen glance back at the pile of bodies. That was a mistake. The pit of her stomach dropped into her shoes, like the ground had given way beneath her. All of the bodies were the same; grotesque grimaces plastered across their faces, carved into their cheeks almost like smiles. Every one of them was stained with blood; thick rivers of crimson smeared across their neck from the dark lines sliced into their throats; another scarlet smile echoing the hollow expressions on their faces. Their glassy, lifeless eyes stared at nothing and yet Lara couldn’t help but feel that they were trained on her, watching her and cursing her to hell for not being fast enough._

_They had all been tossed carelessly into a huge pile in the middle of the smooth plateau of rock they stood on, probably the last of the floor of another pagoda tower. Sam had been sitting on them. She was covered in their blood. Their blood was on her hands. Their blood was on Lara’s hands. Sam had killed them. Lara had killed them._

_"Should have been faster," Sam tutted, shaking her head disappointedly as she looked at the bodies. Lara trained her eyes back to her. It was better than the alternative. She couldn’t face the judgement from those dead eyes._

_As Lara dragged her eyes back to Sam’s face, her expression changed from the cool, detached smile into a look of pure terror. Sam didn’t look like a monster anymore. She looked like a girl who was every bit as scared as Lara was._

_Sam dove forward desperately, grasping Lara's forearm and Lara's grip tightened reflexively around her axe. She didn’t know what to trust here. She wanted to trust Sam but her head was too messy with panic to think straight anymore and her instincts were screaming “threat” at her. She wanted to run but she held firm where she was._

_"Lara, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," Sam pleaded with her, her voice wavering as she clung to Lara’s arm, holding so tightly that Lara could feel the bruises forming under Sam’s fingertips. Her body screamed at her to get out of there. "It's her - she made me do it, I couldn't - I'm sorry!"_

_Lara was torn between pulling away in disgust and dragging the girl into a hug and promising to never let her go again. She had promised she would save Sam and she had let this happen. She had handed her over to Himiko on a silver platter and everyone else had paid for her mistake. Sam was going to die because of Lara. Everyone died because of Lara. Everyone was dead. Everyone was dead, everyone was dead and no one was coming to save them. Lara was supposed to save them. Lara was supposed to save Sam and Sam was going to die and Sam was so scared, so scared and Lara was so scared and she couldn’t move and she was cold and too hot, too hot and she was shaking? When had she started shaking?_

_"I have to stop her, Lara," Sam said tearfully and Lara only realised now that she had still been talking. "I'm sorry, I – I can't do anything else."_

_Lara’s brain tripped over itself to process the words; too slow, too slow, always too slow. Sam sounded upset. Sam was scared. Sam was scared and Sam was crying and Lara was supposed to save her. Lara had promised._

_In the second it took for Lara's muddled mind to catch up, Sam had taken her hand away from Lara's arm and placed a blood soaked knife to her own throat. Probably the knife that she had killed everyone else with._

_Lara screamed as Sam slit across her throat with one swift wrist flick and dropped to the ground, gasping and gurgling on her own blood as her body tried to breathe. It sounded like she was drowning._

_"Sam!" Lara shrieked, dropping to her knees beside the body, beside Sam. She placed her hands over the wound trying to hold it closed but Sam had cut through her aorta and there was so much blood gushing out. It was forcing its way out past Lara’s fingers, sliding between them, rushing down Sam’s neck like a ghastly river. Lara's hands were slippery with Sam's blood as she tried to pressure the wound shut but it was too late. Sam was limp on the floor and nothing Lara could do was going to save her. She was too slow, too slow, too slow, Sam was dying, dead, she was dead, Sam was dead and it’s Lara’s fault. It’s her fault._

_"No, no, no, no, please, Sam. Please! Don't die on me, please don't die! You can't die! Please Sam!"_

_Lara begged and begged her friend to move, to sit up, to open her eyes, to breathe; anything that meant she wasn't dead. Sam was dead. Sam was dead, dead, Sam was dead._

_Lara couldn’t see what her hands were doing any more. Tears streamed down her face, falling onto her lap and onto Sam’s lifeless body. Her voice tore at the inside of her throat like shards of broken glass, ripping gaping holes inside of her. Lara was like a dying star, collapsing into a black hole. Destruction surrounded her and it was finally catching up with her too, crushing her down and down and down until it would kill her in a violent explosion and she would take everything else with her, one final catastrophe to file under her name._

Lara flinched hard and her eyes shot open. Everything was dark. She didn’t know where she was and she couldn’t see anything at all to even begin to piece it together. Two hands were on her shoulders, pinning her down and her heart leapt into her mouth. Where was she? Where was Sam? _Sam is dead. Sam is dead. Sam is dead. Sam is dead._

Lara grabbed the wrists holding her down and twisted them sharply. There was a cry above her and Lara used the brief reverie in pressure on her shoulder’s to shove the hands away and push herself up. She didn’t know where the person was; her eyes hadn’t adapted to the darkness enough to make them out but they had made the mistake of sitting beside her and not on her to keep her pinned down and Lara took her chance to escape. She dove left, hopefully out of reach of anyone in the room but she didn’t know where she was going and found herself very quickly up against a wall with no idea of which way to go. 

"Lara? Lara, sweetie, it’s okay.” 

For a moment, Lara faltered. She had been expecting Mathias' voice or Vladimir’s. This was a woman. She hadn’t seen any women on the island, besides the ones she came with. She didn't know what to do with this. 

Lara blinked hard in the darkness, trying to force her eyes to adjust to it. Her heart was thumping in her chest and her whole body was tensed, ready to make another blind run for it if she got a chance. Her ears strained for any sound of movement; any footsteps or a rustle of clothing that would tell her someone was trying to get closer. Hell, she didn’t even know how many people were in this room or how many could see her. She couldn’t hear anything over her own uneven breaths and the blood roaring in her ears. 

"Lara, can you hear me?” the woman asked gently. “It’s me. It’s Sam. You’re safe here, we’re in London.” 

Lara felt shivers cascade down her arms and over her thighs. No, it couldn’t be. Sam was dead, Sam was dead and Lara was trapped somewhere and she was lying because Lara had Sam’s blood on her hands and Sam was never coming back. 

“Lara, you’re safe here. It’s Sam. We’re in our apartment in the West End, remember? You’re safe, sweetie, nobody’s coming for you. I’m going to turn on one of the lights now so you can see for yourself, okay?” 

Lara winced as the light came on and lit up the room. She expected to open her eyes to a roomful of men with rifles trying to kill her. Instead what she saw was a double bed only a few feet in front of her and two tiny sets of wooden drawers, one either side of the bed. The light was coming from the furthest one, a purple lamp perched on top lit up the bedroom they were in. And there in the middle of the bed was Sam, half draped in a messy duvet and watching Lara with a soft smile, hands held low and in front of her, palms down, like she was trying to soothe a cornered animal. Everything about this was wrong. 

“Sam?” Lara said, surprised at how raspy her voice sounded. She hadn’t noticed how dry her throat was until her voice caught in the back of it and the name barely left her lips. 

Still, Sam’s smile widened but her eyes were still sad and Lara’s heart seized. It was the same expression as when Sam had slit her throat in front of Lara but this time, Sam didn’t take a knife to her neck. She simply nodded once and said “Yeah, it’s me, Lara. I’m here.” 

“You’re dead,” was Lara’s immediate response. Something about this was wrong. Sam couldn’t be dead and be here. Sam was dead. But Sam was here. But Sam had died. Lara had Sam’s blood on her. Sam was dead. 

“No, sweetie,” Sam’s voice was soft and calm and Lara’s heart was making a cacophony in her chest, harmonising with her ragged breathing and her blood rushing through her veins and the hundred voices shrieking inside of her. “I’m not dead. And you’re not dead. We’re both alive and we’re both safe here.” 

“No, we’re – we’re – we’re –“ Lara didn’t know how she meant to finish that sentence. They were what? Dead, they were both dead. Except Lara wasn’t. Sam was. Sam said she wasn’t. Lara wouldn’t see her if she was dead, would she? Maybe she would. Maybe Sam was dead. Maybe Sam wasn’t dead. Yet. They were going to die here though. Lara wasn’t fast enough or clever enough or good enough to save them. She had promised. She had lied. 

“Lara, honey, where do you think we are?” Sam’s voice was still so gentle, so careful. Tiny movements, soft and delicate like she was handling spun glass. 

“Yamati.” Lara was certain of it. They mightn’t be on the mountain or in the Oni cave or the ritual chamber but they had to be somewhere on it. Solari stronghold, maybe? Possibly. It was very nice for one. Comfortable and warm and bright and it didn’t smell and there wasn’t blood or bodies littered everywhere. There was just her and Sam. It had to be a trap. It had to be. Has to be. It’s a trap. Somehow. Don’t trust this, Lara. Get out, get out, get out. _No one escapes._ Escape, escape, there is no escape. _No one leaves._

“We’re not on Yamati anymore, Lara. We aren’t. We got off the island. _You_ got us off it, remember? We’re back in London. We live here, together. We’re safe here.” 

Lara looked back at Sam. She hadn’t moved from the bed and her hands were still held out in front of her, low and palms towards the bed. She was in pyjamas; a white t-shirt with a Disney princess and matching long pink bottoms with little white crowns on them. Lara frowned and looked down at herself. She was wearing pyjamas too. She was wearing a baggy blue t-shirt and grey shorts with glass Coke bottles. They never had pyjamas on Yamati. Had they? Did the Solari have any? Why would they give the girls pyjamas? Who gave a fuck if they were comfortable if they were going to kill Lara and sacrifice Sam to the flames? 

“Lara, sweetie, can you try again?” Sam asked, keeping her eyes trained on Lara as she fought through the whirlwind of thoughts battering around inside her skull. “Where do you think we are?” 

Lara looked around the room again and tightened her hands into fists at her sides. Her fingernails dug into her palms, leaving a trail of red crescents etched into her skin. She couldn’t take her eyes off the desk at the back of the room, littered with textbooks and journals and notes scribbled in her own handwriting and Sam’s camera in its case and trinkets and Lara’s green necklace. They never had so many luxuries on Yamati, no one had. 

“We’re not…we’re not on Yamati?” Lara tried but it was still a question. It wasn’t something tangible and real that she could cling onto and the words sat funny in the back of her throat and she felt like she needed to swallow them down again. 

“We’re not on Yamati, that’s right.” 

“We-we’re not on Yamati,” Lara repeated and it felt better this time. More solid. More like it could be true. 

“We’re in London, in our apartment,” Sam told her again. 

“London,” Lara echoed softly, still staring at the desk. That was her desk. That was her stuff on her desk – in her apartment? Hers and Sam’s. That’s what Sam said. Lara trusted Sam. 

No, Lara didn’t trust Sam. Sam was gone. Himiko was using her. It wasn’t Sam and she lied and she killed all those people but they weren’t here, they were somewhere else. 

That was her desk. 

“It’s okay, Lara. You’re at home. You’re safe. You’re in London and no one is going to hurt any of us anymore,” Sam continued gently. “You’re having a panic attack, sweetie.” 

Lara couldn’t breathe. Her chest was tight and her ears were ringing and she felt like there was a target painted onto her back. She pressed her palms flat against the wall behind her, feeling just a touch safer knowing that no one could sneak up behind her when she was like this. 

“Can you try breathing with me? Nice and slow, in through your nose and then out through your mouth remember?” 

Lara forced her eyes to stay on Sam as she shuffled slowly towards the the edge of the bed, closing the gap between them. She held out a hand to Lara but she couldn’t move to take it. It was too like Sam with her arms outstretched, gleeful over the pile of bodies strewn behind her. She nodded stiffly to let Sam know she had heard her and clenched her hands against the plaster. Her knuckles were stiff as she spread her weight from her palms onto her fingers and Lara pressed more of her weight backwards until a dull pain blossomed in the joints. It gave her something she could trust to focus on. The pain was real, even if the rest was questionable. 

She took a shaky breath in with Sam and tried to hold it but her lungs were too shallow to match what Sam was doing. Her chest burned as she tried to hold the air in place and Lara choked on the breath and gasped, forcing more air into her already full lungs. It felt like drowning and Lara made a pained whimper as flashes of black water clouded her vision. She was helpless, lost in the force of the ocean waves. She couldn’t tell which way was up or down or where the shore was and then suddenly, someone had laced their fingers around hers and Lara squeezed tightly onto her lifeline. 

“ – hear me? Lara? It’s okay, I promise it’s okay, nothing’s happening, you’re not in danger. You’re safe here. Can you even hear me? What do I do if you can’t hear me? Lara, I’m right here, it’s Sam, I’m here and I’ve got you, okay? I’m not leaving you.” 

“Sam?” Lara rasped and felt the fingers intertwined with hers give a tiny reassuring squeeze. 

“Mmhmm, it’s me, I’m still here. It’s just you and me, sweetie, nobody else. Can you open your eyes for me? Please?” Sam’s voice was much closer to her ear now and slightly more frantic than it had been a minute ago. Lara could hear it tinged into her assurances. 

She hadn’t even realised her eyes were closed until Sam asked her to open them again. She blinked them open slowly, squinting in the light. She was still standing against the wall but Sam was next to her now, holding her hand. Lara was looking down at her own chest which was heaving with her efforts to breathe. She wrapped her free arm over her stomach, pressing her hand instinctively over the scar on her abdomen and her other stayed latched onto Sam’s hand desperately. 

Sam winced sympathetically. “Does it hurt?” 

Lara took a few more breaths, trying to steady herself and shook her head. It didn’t hurt but her fingers still prodded at the scar, out of habit more than anything now. She could usually forget about it but sometimes, her hands wandered back there of their own accord, as if they were still trying to protect the wound from opening itself again. 

Sam smiled at her answer and reached her other hand up to brush some of the strands back from Lara’s sweaty forehead. Lara closed her eyes gently and exhaled quietly as Sam’s fingertips dragged across her temple and sent shivers down her arms. 

“Shh, it’s okay, it’s okay,” Sam soothed her, brushing her fingers through Lara’s hair and over the shell of her ear. Lara fell silent, listening to Sam’s breathing and tried to match her own to it. It was easier standing together like this, when Lara could know Sam was there and Sam was safe and Sam wasn’t dead. Sam kept whispering soft reassurances to Lara as her breathing slowed and eventually, Lara’s head dropped against Sam’s shoulder of its own volition. She turned, pressing her nose against Sam’s neck – Lara Croft was nothing if not an opportunist – and stayed hidden against her girlfriend. She could smell Sam’s body wash like this and it was nothing at all like the stink of blood and rot and sea spray that Yamati had harboured. 

“Do you want to go back to bed?” Sam asked, still smiling softly. It was a mask. Lara knew. She knew what that smile meant but she was too tired to do anything about it right now. 

She nodded and managed to croak a “yes” in response. Sam grimaced at the sound and squeezed Lara’s fingers again. 

“I’ll go get you some water first. I’ll be right back. Can you go and sit on the bed?” 

Lara nodded again and dragged her head up from Sam’s shoulder. Her legs felt like undercooked spaghetti as she stepped back to her side of the bed and sat down heavily and much less dignified than she had been aiming for. Her arms spread out on the mattress behind her, supporting her teetering weight and she stayed like for a few minutes, swaying like a tree in the wind. She felt dazed as she looked around their room, like everything was just beyond the reach of her fingertips. Nothing felt connected to Lara and she felt connected to nothing, floating along in the sea of nothingness. A vague thought passed by that that should scare her more than it did. 

And then Sam was back at her side, pressing a bottle of water into her hand and Lara took a few small sips. The water was cold and crisp and it rinsed the bitterness out of the back of her throat. She swallowed again as she screwed the cap back on and tried her voice again. 

“Thanks Sam.” Mm, less like she had swallowed a mouthful of gravel but still thin. But she was tired. It would come back. 

“You’re welcome, princess,” Sam smiled and kissed Lara’s forehead. “You look exhausted. Do you want to try lying down again?” 

Lara did. Very much so. She wanted to lie down in a soft duvet, with a soft pillow beneath her head and she wanted to hold Sam close to her chest and be safe and warm and loved and banish all thoughts of Yamati and Himiko and sun queens and rituals from her mind. 

“Yes,” she answered emphatically, wrapping both arms around Sam’s neck and burying her nose back against the crook of her neck. Lara could feel the tears thick in the back of her throat, a different dull tightness from the choking fear she had woken up to. A weak little noise forced its way up from inside her chest, from deep down in the pit of guilt and fear that lived at her core and broke all of the tension in her body. Lara started to cry quietly into Sam’s collarbone, trying to stifle most of the sounds she was making. Her hands tightened in Sam’s shirt as her girlfriend’s arms wrapped solidly around her back, pulling her closer. 

“Shh, I know, sweetie. It’s over now,” Sam whispered, rubbing slow deliberate circles into her back. “It’s over.” 

“I’m so glad you’re okay,” Lara whispered back. “I don’t know what I’d do if – “ 

“It’s not going to,” Sam answered definitely. “Because you protected me. I’m okay and you’re going to be okay too, Lara. You’ll see.” 

Lara chuckled once softly and pulled back enough to wipe her eyes but the tears fell as fast as she could clean them away. Sam loosened her grip but never took her hands off Lara, letting them slide to hold her upper arms instead. 

“I know,” she whispered. “I’m fine. I just –“ Lara cut herself off and looked down. Her face was damp and tears fell onto her bare thighs which she brushed away. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” 

Lara shook her head quickly. “Not now. It’s too much and I’m too tired to make sense of it. I just want to go to sleep.” 

“Okay.” 

Sam kissed her cheek and the two girls lay back down together, wrapped lazily around each other. Lara lay her head against Sam’s chest, listening to the steady beating of her heart. Sam was here. Sam was alive. Sam was safe. Lara repeated the mantra over and over again to herself while Sam played with her hair and her heavy eyes dragged themselves shut. Sam was safe. Sam was here. Sam was alive. 


End file.
